Jenn Howe

Part One — Bloody Hell 🩸

Hello again, dear readers. 👋🏼 No one has heard from me for a long, long time. 🦗 I was dealing with a medical issue — one that really freaked me out.

First, my nose started bleeding. Just here and there, to begin with, and I didn’t think much of it — I thought maybe it was dried out because it was winter, and I always had the heater running indoors, which dries out the air a lot. No big deal.

But then it started bleeding more and more often. And it kept happening.

And it KEPT happening. 👃🏻 🩸

My nose would randomly just start pouring blood.

Week after week. And then, for MONTHS.

😟

To make it even MORE terrifying, I was always bleeding from only the LEFT side of my nose, and I started to have extreme pressure and even some pain in the area behind my LEFT eye.

Screw that.

That’s when I finally went to the doctor, then I was sent to a hospital.

I had to have a CT-SCAN ⬆️, and blood/lab work.

Later, I was sent to a specialist.

I’m usually the OPPOSITE of a hypochondriac— I almost never go to a doctor, and only if I think it’s absolutely necessary…sometimes not even then. I once even set my own broken bone, using stuff I had around the house. I mean…it healed okay? 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😂 So for me to actually be SCARED about my health — that’s a big deal. My doctor and I were checking for things like a tumor, and I kept worrying about the dreaded “C word.” We all know someone who has (or did have) cancer, in some form. 😓

Well, it turned out to be very good news, compared to what it could have been:

it was NOT a tumor, and NOT cancer-related. 👏🏼 🎉

I still needed a procedure, though, and it was…NOT fun. 😟 It required them to go wayyyy up inside my nose and do some very unpleasant stuff — treating & cauterizing me — WHILE I WAS AWAKE…😳

But, again…it could have been SO much worse. Anyhow…

The point of all this rambling is:

A) Yes, I was missing in action for a while, and now you know why.

B) I’m fine. At least for now — though this reminds me (again) that there’s a spot on my skin I really need to have checked out (since I’m super prone to developing skin cancer), and

C) This terrible, multi-month experience has given me an entirely new perspective (as “Big Scares” often do).

I feel relieved and grateful. I don’t want to complain about anything. Remember this, friends: each day that you aren’t in terrible pain or dying…that’s a GOOD DAY. Appreciate. Take care of yourself. And get out there and enjoy this life.

PERIOD.

OH!…and if you’re wondering how many lucky clovers I’m finding (and believing in!) these days, the following photo shows my total for just the month of APRIL, alone —>

23 four-leaf clovers, and 2 five-leaf clovers…all found in different locations/cities…

Part Two — Total Eclipse, 2024

Back on April 8th, I took myself (and my bleeding nose) outside in the middle of the day to witness something rare, celestial, and wondrous: a total eclipse of the sun.

America was witness to such an eclipse back in 2017, but back then, Arkansas did NOT have the best view. It had been interesting, and it got KIND OF dark (and the insects and birds acted weird, etc.), but it wasn’t mind-blowing or anything.

But THIS time, fam? I was RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PATH OF TOTALITY!

That’s right. Arkansas was smack dab in the middle of all the action, so I had the best seat in the house, front and center…right in my own backyard! Just WOW. Talk about being lucky lately.

Yep. Our tiny town went all out for the event. They shut down businesses and schools, and had special events and parties downtown. There were special products and people camping out. It was cheesy and silly and over-the-top, and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

I DID wonder if the area would be able to handle the huge influx of tourists and visitors from all over the world — we had people in town from Canada, Germany, Denmark, France, and many other counties, as well as states all over the U.S. I suppose it was good for local businesses, but I know supplies were running low, and there was a lot of traffic.

After meeting a lot of interesting people, I bicycled back to my house, and got comfortable sitting cross-legged in the grass of my lawn. It was a beautiful, clear day — just perfect for the event. I was relaxing, listening to the birds sing, and enjoying the warm sunshine while I waited for the show.

And then, at about 1:50 pm, it happened. And let me tell you something — it was a lot more magical than I expected. I was like a little kid. Cynical people might like to say, “It’s no big deal…just planetary bodies moving around.” But THINK about it. You have to be at the RIGHT place, at the RIGHT time, and if all that happens, you are able to behold the wonder of giant rocks shifting into perfect placement in space and time, creating absolutely astonishing effects and beautiful imagery.

I only had a few precious moments of peak eclipse time, so I didn’t try to do the “influencer” thing, or film it, or take too many pictures (or worry about getting any high-quality “good” pictures, either).

Instead, I focused on being completely IN THE MOMENT, drinking in every detail — each sight, sound, and feeling. So I only got two quick snaps with my cell phone that I can share. Here is the miraculous thing, as it was happening:

TOTALITY!

After snapping these two photos, I just sat in the grass looking around at my yard and the neighborhood and the sky. My jaw must have been almost on the ground — it was nighttime in the middle of the day!

It felt somewhat creepy or eerie…because it’s “unnatural” and “wrong” for the sun to suddenly be blotted out at the brightest moment of the day. Everything feels off-kilter.

But it SIMULTANEOUSLY felt…I don’t know…thrilling, in the way something novel feels thrilling and magical when you’re a small child — like if there was some rare occasion when you were allowed to play outside late at night as a kid, when you normally wouldn’t have been allowed, and your eyes and body were filled with so many unique sights and sensations that you normally weren’t exposed to, and you were just wired with excitement and you felt more alive….

Does that make sense?

All the insects and birds grew silent…except for the one neighborhood rooster, that did just the opposite — he raised all hell, crowing and crowing! 😂

The entire experience was surreal.

Say what you want, but I was in awe. I may never see totality again in my lifetime. Actually, I take that back — I MIGHT, but I’ll have to live a bit longer, because the next time Arkansas will be in the path of totality will be in the year…2045? I’ll be so old, but I really hope I live to see it.

Part Three — Visiting a Special Place and Working on the Book

Back in early February, I took my bloody nose to Little Rock, where I spent some time at The Hornibrook Mansion, aka “The Empress of Little Rock” — a historic building that now serves as an elegant bed and breakfast.

I stayed in what is known as The Carriage House, in “The Ernest Hemingway Suite”…of course. The decor is inspired by not only the writer (who lived in Arkansas for a time in the early 1900’s), but also by Hemingway’s fascination with Africa after his many trips there…

The couple of mornings I was lucky enough to wake up at this fantastic bed and breakfast, I was blown away by the grandeur of The Empress…

I just couldn’t believe the opulence, the history, the incredibly preserved and beautiful items that I saw throughout the mansion. It was such a treat to experience.

And oh my goodness…

THE LIBRARY:

But most of my time was spent in my room, right here…at the writing desk in The Hemingway Suite:

You can see my writing setup in the few seconds of video footage below (if it will play on your device)…

It was a nice mini-getaway, where I could escape and just focus on beauty and creation, and work a lot on my poetry, in particular.

Even though The Empress of Little Rock looks fancy, don’t be fooled — it’s not “stuffy” or uncomfortable in ANY way…not even the breakfast situation. You may be using some upscale utensils and such, but the owners are down-to-earth and fun, and they talk and laugh and make you feel welcome and comfortable (along with the few other guests who might be joining you each morning).

Also, you can stay in many of the rooms of the main house without spending an absolute fortune. I mean…everybody knows I’m certainly NOT rich, by any stretch of the imagination, but I saved up to stay a couple of nights in one of the suites, as a special occasion for myself (the suites ARE a bit pricier, but it was an in-state vacation for me). But many of the in-house rooms are only the price of a nice hotel for a night.

If you live in Arkansas — or if you’re thinking of visiting The Natural State sometime in the future — the beautiful Hornibrook House/Empress is a unique and remarkable place to stay. #TheEmpressOfLittleRock

Part Four — Other Random Moments & Photos

OKAY — WRAPPING THINGS UP, AND SPEAKING OF THE BOOK…

And so it begins (above 2 photos)…the actual laying out of the pages of my book — spreading them all over the floor and trying to come up with a definitive order for the poems (this is harder than you would think).

I’m actually about to trust another person to read through it in its entirety, very soon. This is something I’ve NEVER done — I usually keep my poems (besides the ones I’ve already shared on this blog or read in public) completely secret. I don’t let ANYONE read my work. But…it’s time.

Then will come final edits and design, and preparations for publishing online.

For anyone who’s wondering…

1) Yes, I will be publishing the book myself, using a platform online (I won’t be saying which one at this time). 2) No, a self-published book is NO less credible, quality, or “real” than a book that is handled/published by a famous (or any) publishing house. People who think this way are brainwashed and/or pretentious twats. 3) I want complete control over the creation and manifestation of my product, anyway, and… 4) Some of the most accomplished/famous/celebrated/talented authors of all time published their first books themselves — including Edgar Allan Poe, John Grisham, and Walt Whitman. If it was good enough for them, it sure as hell is good enough for me.

I gotta believe in me, even if no one else does. After all…I’m the girl who finds hundreds of four-leaf clovers.

I must go, but I’ll hopefully be back (and healthy) very soon. Take care of yourselves and each other…

xo, Jenn