Jenn Howe

All my life, I’ve had this uncanny way of predicting future events. Not the ones I WISH I could predict, of course — it seems quite out of my control. But I’ve experienced a sort of “head’s up” about many happenings…both personal and global.

I think we ALL have “intuition”. Whether you believe it’s spirit-based or just science that we don’t understand yet, it doesn’t really matter. Maybe there is a “skip” in the time continuum now and again. Perhaps we can “tune in” to a certain energy or frequency level — with practice, or just by accident. But one thing is certain: humans seem to be a part of a larger “something” that is both unifying and mysterious.

For me, it sometimes happens during my waking hours, and I’ll have a “flash” of something inside my head. It will reveal itself in a series of images…pictures that I “see” in my mind’s eye.

One example of this —

****When my daughter Lana was a toddler, she was in preschool for a short time. One afternoon at about 4 pm, I went to pick her up after work, as usual. I pulled up to the “baby school”, as she called it, and as soon as I had parked and turned off the motor, my vision briefly went black and I saw THREE distinct images flash in my mind, one after the other: the number 3, the number 15, then Lana’s little face…except it didn’t look normal. It had bloody slashes on it, like claw marks. I went in the building to find Lana, but she had been separated from the other kids. She was in the bathroom, and several teachers were holding ice and washcloths to her face. They explained that another girl had become angry with Lana for having a toy she wanted, and she’d used her fingers (which had quite long, strong fingernails) to claw and scratch my daughter’s face, really digging into it. “We’ve been trying to stop the bleeding and swelling,” one teacher said. “We’re so sorry. It didn’t happen very long ago…at about 3:15.”****

😳

The sweetest and saddest part of this story is what my daughter did in response to this unprovoked attack. Did she scream or hurt the girl who scratched her? No. She HUGGED her. That was her natural response: to love. Oh, I hate it sometimes that she and I were born too kind! We often get so hurt and exploited because of it. One of the biggest lessons she and I both have had to learn in this lifetime is BOUNDARIES. Ugh.

Anyhow, the scratches healed and MOSTLY disappeared (at the age of 22, she does still have the tiniest scar on her face), but what were those visions? They came after the attack, so I couldn’t PREVENT it. Was it merely vibrations, energy that I was picking up on? A connection to my daughter so strong that I can sometimes sense her feelings or what she’s been through? A small wrinkle in time? Who knows.

But the subject of this blog — and the main way that I experience premonitions and other incredible insights — is my DREAMS.

---

Many of my dreams (that come to pass later in my waking life) are about random and trivial things. Like this dream, which I had one night while I was still in high school:

****I was standing on a stage under bright lights and I heard a voice saying, “Sunshine, sunshine, sunshine.” I then walked across the stage to a podium and someone handed me an award.****

A few days after this dream, I was on a trip with other members of my Texas high school band. We visited Opryland. While touring the famous Grand Ole Opry Theatre, I was allowed to stand in the center of the stage under the lights, in the exact same spot where many beloved performers once stood — Patsy Cline, Johnny Cash, and Elvis Presley, to name a few. The tour guide said, “Go ahead and sing a song, so you can say you sang in the same spot as some of the greatest of all time.” The song he suggested: “You Are My Sunshine”. And yes, at our next band concert just a short time later, I walked across another stage to a podium, and I was handed an award — a plaque, for “Outstanding Band Member”. Before having the dream, I had no idea that any of these things would (or could) happen.

Other dreams are not so trivial, like this one I had in 2001:

****I was standing in front of the Twin Towers in New York City. This was strange because —like most people — I never had a reason to think about the Twin Towers at all (before the attacks happened), so there was no reason for them to be on my conscious (or subconscious) mind. But there I was, and as I looked up at them, one of them started to collapse, sending people screaming in every direction. Suddenly, I was somewhere else…I was INSIDE the second tower, on the lowest floor. I heard a deafening explosive noise, then I stood frozen in terror as the second tower collapsed on top of me.****

Right after I had this dream, the 9/11 attacks happened. And it all unfolded just as I’d seen it play out while I slept.

---

So what have I been dreaming about lately? I didn’t dream anything about the newest strain of Coronavirus — yet — and I really don’t want to.

I have, however, had a couple of powerful nightmares: one about a devastating tsunami, and another of a large explosion/bomb.

But the last thing ANY of us needs right now is more fear or paranoia. So national/international catastrophes aside, here are…

A Few Of My Recent Dreams:

1. I was standing in a room, and someone else walked in holding a large knife. The figure was the size and shape of a man, but he was disguised…or rather, covered…black pants, black long sleeve shirt, black ski mask covering his head and face. But I instantly “felt” who it was. He began stabbing me over and over. Blood was everywhere, and I started to feel like I was leaving my body. As I was dying, I said to him: “Why did you have to rape me?”

I woke up covered in sweat and looked over at my phone to see how much time I had left before work that night (I was sleeping during the day because I was on night shift at the time). When I glanced at my phone, I saw that I had a new email alert. The email was a letter informing me that my rapist — who had been in prison since 2001 — had been released THAT day, while I’d been sleeping and dreaming that he murdered me. I had NO knowledge that he was even up for possible release in the days or weeks before I had the dream, so both my nightmare and the announcement immediately upon waking were both a complete shock to me — not a good one, obviously.

2. I’m in what looks like an old European village/small town…colorful houses, maybe 17th century? (I’m bad with guessing dates). Definitely historic, quaint, charming. It’s the kind of place that would probably have cobblestone roads, or something similar, but here’s the thing: I can’t SEE the roads, because they’re completely covered in…BREAD. 🍞 That’s right, bread. The stuff you eat. Not whole loaves, but like…large chunks or pieces? This is very hard to explain. But bread is EVERYWHERE in the streets…not on the sidewalks or in the businesses or houses, but everywhere that is typically road, it is now piled high with bread. And otherwise, everything is normal — people walk in and out of shops, they’re on the sidewalks, talking…but no one walks or drives on the road, and it’s just tons of bread. I turn a corner of the sidewalk, and I run into a man I’ve always had a crush on — a foreigner. We exchange greetings and then — get this — we wade through the bread into the middle of the road, and we SIT there. We’re having a whole conversation, just chatting and catching up, while sitting in the middle of the road on a soft bed on bread. And it IS soft…none of it is stale or old. It’s fresh, white, delicious-smelling, big fluffy pieces of bread. He and I are the only people in the road, everyone acts like this is normal, and the feeling is…not weird. It feels at ease and happy.

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? This dream is obviously not literal. The bread symbolizes…something, but for the life of me, I’m not sure what??? The dream is a pleasant one, though…all good feelings and comfort. If anyone out there analyzes dreams and know what this symbology means…hit me up.

3. I’m inside a really nice apartment or condo. It’s so nice that I’m afraid to touch anything. Then I realize: It’s mine. I live there. I walk around in amazement, touching things (some that I recognize, some that I don’t), saying to myself, “I can’t believe I live here. It’s so beautiful.” Then I look through a large window to a lovely outdoor area with water and lots of greenery. The feeling of the dream is one I’ve never been allowed to have in all my 44+ years: a feeling of SECURITY.

Anyone who knows me is aware that I’ve struggled (especially FINANCIALLY) all my life. Actually, no…even those closest to me don’t really know. None of the men I dated even knew. If anyone knew how I ACTUALLY live on a daily basis, they’d be embarrassed for me…or pity me…and I don’t want that. So probably, no one will ever know.

I came from poverty and generations of dysfunctional handling of money, so I was already off to a bad start…but it seems to only keep going downhill from there. No matter how hard I work, some kind of tragedy always swoops in and steals any money I have…the latest was my daughter losing her job over a month ago — NOT because of anything she did wrong — so I had to pay my bills AND hers…and I just found out that Coronavirus shut down the new job she JUST got, so…still no income (she’s a college student trying to finish school). It’s like the harder I work, the more that things fall apart and the poorer I am.

And before anyone starts in with, “but look at all those beautiful photos of countries and cities you’ve visited!”…let me set you straight: I was already like 40+ years old before I got to travel to those places, I visited those countries during only a FEW, VERY SHORT trips, each one of those trips cost UNDER $1,000 total (for flights, hotel, food, EVERYTHING), and you honestly would not believe what kinds of torture I had to endure (constant 84 hour work weeks of hard, physical labor) and mountains I had to move (making artistic things to sell, selling almost everything I own, etc.) to make just those few quick, cheap trips happen. Don’t get me wrong — I’m incredibly grateful for any and all things I’ve been able to somehow pull off, no matter how small, and this is not a sob story. But straight up truth: I’m poor. More so now than I’ve ever been. Im hustling even harder than I did in the past, and now, it’s not so I might get the rare trip — it’s to BARELY survive. People just don’t know because I don’t complain and I’m good at hiding it. I have a talent for making things look better than they really are, and turning pain and ugliness into something artful. I’m a poet — that’s what I do.

What does all this have to do with my dream about the condo? A lot. Feeling safe and secure is something I’ve never actually felt — in real life OR in my dreams. But in this dream, I DID feel it, and it was so foreign to me that I didn’t recognize what it was at first. This could just be my subconscious attempting to create what I’ve always needed in my life, but MAN…I hope this is one of my dreams that comes to pass in my physical reality. And I don’t need some fancy apartment, either. For God’s sake, I just don’t want to live in exhaustion and terror for once.

4. I’m in my house and I’m talking with a man. I see his body. I can’t see his face, but I want him there…I feel warmth and kinship when I’m next to him. I’m showing him around my house and having a conversation with him…and I begin weeping. I feel sadness, an “Unbearable HEAVINESS of Being”, and I bend over and place my chest and head on my kitchen table. I hide my face and cry there, embarrassed. “My life,” I sob…”I don’t want you to see how I live. I’m ashamed for you to see my home, my ‘car’, my poverty, my burdens.” I feel him take me by the shoulders and lift my torso up from the table, and he folds me into his arms. He holds me tight, and nothing has ever felt better.

A very humiliating — yet beautiful — dream. I’m so scared and ashamed, but I get to experience a moment of feeling that someone else accepts me…in spite of how little I have and what I’ve been through.

It’s very rare that I’m truly attracted to ANY man — physically or otherwise — and it has been forever since I felt that I wanted to date someone…but there IS a man that I’m interested in now, right here in Arkansas. I saw him on a dating app, and it appears that he has “liked” me, so to speak…but I’m scared to “like” him back and make contact with him. ☹️ 😢 For one thing, the entire world is burning up with Coronavirus and madness. But besides that, I have to work ALL the time just to barely survive (see #3, above), and damn it, my life seems to be unraveling as I try to save my daughter.

But goodness, he’s lovely — silver hair and bright blue, gorgeous eyes (they’re a lot like mine, actually, in that certain lighting causes them to almost “glow” with baby-blueness…he’s obviously aware of this trick, because the lighting for his eyes was PERFECT for that profile pic). He has his stuff together. And apart from his looks, you can tell that he ticks all the important boxes for me: the PERFECT age, intelligent, not an insecure attention whore, not a pothead, not a “gamer”, NOT A REDNECK (!!!)…etc.

Maybe I should reach out to him, anyway, just to say, “Hey, the planet is dying and I’m a mess…but you sure do seem like a catch, had things been different!” Damn. I don’t know what to do. I’m getting on in years anyway…I feel like a carton of milk that’s about to expire. 🗓😞

I’m so independent and strong, but this dream reminded me that we ALL need to feel loved and appreciated for who we really are…at least every once in a while. Whether this dream was only my subconscious lusting for a basic human desire to be fulfilled, or a prediction of what’s to come — either way…it sure did feel nice.

---

I’ve had so many other cool dreams and experiences lately (including things as mundane as seeing a four leaf clover in my mind, and then that same afternoon, without even looking for one, I immediately spotted a four leaf clover on the ground), but this blog is long enough already.

We all have intuition — an internal GPS, if you will. Pay attention to your “hunches” and “gut feelings” during the day, and write down the dreams you have at night (immediately upon waking). You just might be surprised by what you discover.

---

A note about Coronavirus — I know everything feels shaky and uncertain right now. A lot of us are scared. I’m worried about my finances. I’m worried about my daughter, who is jobless, in a city three hours away from me, recovering from a previous stomach illness, and living close to a confirmed Coronavirus case. I’m worried about our IDIOT “leader”, the POTUS. We’re all worried about the economy, our loved ones, and what will happen in the coming months…but two things are a must: 1). We MUST self-isolate and distance ourselves from other people as much as possible, and 2). We MUST be kind.

We can pull through this and prevent a lot of unnecessary illness, death, and damage if we learn from pandemics of the past and make adjustments accordingly, and if we HELP OUR FELLOW MAN.

That’s the real dream.

Until next time…

Stay safe,

Jenn