Jenn Howe

Muffin “Fluff Junk” Crazy Tail

2008-2025

She died yesterday.  

I’m typing this in the early morning hours of November 13^th, 2025.  First light is barely showing.  It’s my first sunrise without her, for over 17 and ½ years. 😩

I’m inconsolable.  I’m lost.  I couldn’t sleep all night, without her soft fluffy little body cuddled up against me.  I kept picturing her head slowly lowering onto the table — big beautiful eyes still open — as she fell asleep after the first injection before her euthanasia.  She was strong and graceful and full of love until the last second.  She wasn’t just a good girl.  She was the VERY BEST girl. 🌟

Obviously, millions upon millions of people have lost their beloved animals.  I’m not unique in my grief, and I’m clearly aware that no animal can live forever, no matter how much we might wish they could.  

But damn – almost two decades is a LONG TIME to love and intimately know an animal.  We were so bonded.  I feel that I’ve lost a piece of myself.  The atmosphere of the house even physically FEELS different.  You can feel her absence in such a powerful way.  Coming home without her body (as we wait for her cremated remains) was gut-wrenching.  I actually felt sick.

I’m so grateful that my daughter Lana drove several hours to be here with me…before, during, and after Muffin’s departure from this planet.  She provided emotional support, tried to help me with any tasks, and constantly asked if I needed anything or if she could do anything for me.  We held each other and cried after Muffin’s heart stopped beating. Many of you who have followed this blog since the beginning already know – Lana grew up with Muffin, and she is devastated, too.  This is surreal and brutal, but we’ve tried to comfort each other the best we can.  

Pooky, our other beloved cat, is still with us.  She spent over 17 years living with Muffin, and I’m afraid of what this might do to HER, as well.  She hasn’t eaten for the better part of 24 hours now, and she keeps roaming around the house looking for Muffin, sniffing anything that Muffin touched before she left.  Oh, my heart… 💔

I won’t say much more right now, because I can’t.  I’m too broken and overwhelmed.  

For now, I’ll leave you with several photos of our beloved girl over the years.  

The “Rainbow Bridge” better really be a thing…in one form or another.  Because I don’t want to exist in a universe without my sweet girl.  

All of you out there — hug your fur babies tight and enjoy every moment with them.  They always have to leave too soon.  

And Muffin…

Fly high with the angels, sweet one. 🪽 Bounce across the universe and go wherever you want ✨ …as long as you eventually bounce back to me.  Thank you for spending your life with me. It was an honor to care for you, know you, and receive your affection. I love you so much, forever and ever…

Love, your human mama. ❤️

🔗 ⬇️

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https://youtu.be/m88kgA7rGsU?si=is-

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❤️