May 6, 2021. Unbelievable…it’s already the one year anniversary of THE GREAT TERMITE DEBACLE of 2020 — one of the weirdest experiences I’ve ever been through. And that’s saying a lot…I’ve had one SUPER weird-ass life.

Also one year ago, we were deep in the scariest part of the pandemic lockdown. It felt like the apocalypse was upon us.

What a time. 😭 😅

But even as things fell apart all around me, I still loved the world. I also realized I’d been given a chance to practice a bit of what I’d learned from one of my favorite writers, Ernest Hemingway. We’ll discuss that later — and you can incorporate some of his advice during YOUR next writing exercise, should you wish.

First, though…this is the poem I wrote the night everything felt hopeless — that very *termitey* night 😂, one year ago… ⬇️

****

Pandemic Full Moon

Today, I was evicted from my home

by a surprise army of termites.

I woke up to find them on the nightstand,

on the bed covers, in my hair.

After several hours of using a spray gun

and vacuuming as I cried,

I was forced to retreat.

I no longer own a working car,

so I called a taxi and checked into

a cheap hotel in my own town –

an accidental tourist going nowhere fast.

—

Now, it is dark.

I leave the hotel lobby

and walk the city streets looking for food,

but almost everything is closed.

I’m wearing a mask –

not the one I used to wear

when I would pretend to be okay,

but a new one.

We all wear them now.

—

I walk past an empty cigarette pack

and a dead kitten.

A car rolls by, too slowly,

full of men who honk the horn

and scream obscenities at me.

I don’t know where I will get my next meal

or if I’ll have enough money to pay for it.

I don’t know what my chances are

if I get the virus, my lungs always having been

the weakest part of my body.

The world is all debt and doubt and death.

—

Still, I stop walking to stoop down

and pull off my mask so I can smell

a honeysuckle bush in the moonlight.

Still, there are always small pleasures

and treasures buried in the wreckage.

Still, the brief ride on this planet

is worth the price, however steep.

Still, for now, I am here.

— Jenn Howe

May 6, 2020

****

Thankfully, much has changed since I wrote this poem, and yes — before anyone asks — I’m FINE, extremely happy, and I love my life very much.

The purpose of the poem (or any of my poems) is not to be “Oh, poor me, my life is so hard, everything is so terrible.” NO. But it’s VERY important to write about the darkness in life as well as the light. A dedicated and genuine artist knows to paint a COMPLETE picture of the world within their collection of art. This is the only TRUE way to represent life — it will always be all things, simultaneously. Existence is wretched even while it is pleasurable, and it is spectacular even as it breaks your heart.

I have just as many funny and happy poems as I do “dark” or “painful” works. MORE in fact. I just wrote a poem about my cat showing her asshole at inappropriate moments, for goodness sake…and I laughed like a loon the entire time.😆

But you’re doing yourself — and the world — a HUGE disservice if you think you should always be positive and happy…in your work OR in your day-to-day life.

“Whitewashing” life — pretending everything is always great and that you and everyone else should always be upbeat — is called TOXIC POSITIVITY, and dude…it’s unrealistic and just as unhealthy as being negative all the time.

Pain, fear, and anger are REAL AND VALID feelings. They deserve and even NEED to be expressed in a healthy way. My “way” is often through my art. Any artist who focuses on ONLY the “dark” or ONLY the “light” is not providing the reader or viewer with a well-rounded, interesting, or inspiring body of work. PERIOD.

Which brings me to the advice of Hemingway. Here is one of my favorite quotes by the author:

“My goal…is not to just depict life or criticize it, but to actually make it ALIVE, so that when you have read something by me, you actually experience the thing. You can’t do this without putting in the bad and the ugly as well as what is beautiful. Because if it is all beautiful, you can’t believe in it. Things aren’t that way.”

And that’s just the way I roll…I’m gonna keep it real. Sometimes, my work is gonna be deep and scary and ugly, but that’s what’s always on the other side of the scales, and life always balances. My art (and my future book) will therefore be balanced, too. Besides, the darkness only emphasizes the light, making it even brighter and more glorious.

---

Spring has SPRUNG here in the south, and what a colorful show. 💙☀️🌺🌼🌸🌹🌳🐇

Here are a few photo moments from these past weeks as the winter gave way and my environment bloomed…

⬆️ All of the above are in my yard…

…and lately, I’ve been finding so many four (and even FIVE) leaf clovers (!) ⬇️

🌈 🍀💫

⬆️ Clowns. 🤡😹

⬇️ Putting away leftover firewood, now only used for occasional chilly mornings or evenings.

⬆️ Abstract art? (Looking through the bottom of my wine glass at the fireplace). 😂

⬇️ How many bicycle tires will I pop this year? Plenty, I’m sure (here’s the first)…

⬆️ Cutie. 🐢

⬇️ Even my weird little toes got colorful.

And that’s how I’ll wrap up this blog: with this photo of my feet that I took just a few seconds ago. I’m gonna lay out here in the grass and soak up the sun on this gorgeous day, enjoying the light after so much darkness. 🙏🏻 💙

Also, some excellent news: YESTERDAY, I received my first Covid-19 vaccination shot. 💉👏🏼 (Yes, even if you’ve had the illness, as I have — months ago — you will still eventually need to get the vaccine…immunity does not last indefinitely). I will receive my second dose in a few weeks, right at the time of my birthday. Happy Birthday and Vaccination to me! 🎉 🎂

Until next time, I’m wishing you all good health and a wealth of love and light ❤️ …

Jenn ☺️